Hey April!

I have not been posting anything new since February ended. I guess it was primarily due to the fact that I was overloaded with things to finish all those while. Anyways, March had been mildly interesting especially my indulgence in the weekend going out and clubbing started to feel as a routine and this spoiled the fun nature of it. Now that I talked about it, I stumbled across a video which explained why metaphetamine is considered to be the most dangerous drug exists. Not only that it triggered addiction but also due to the fact that it killed the "pleasure" by overwhelm our brain with unnatural dose of this particular enzyme that trigger the sense of pleasure. Inundating our brain with this overwhelming unit number of this enzyme eventually shut down the mechanism that receives this enzyme and hence kills our ability to sense pleasure. Scary eh? Thus dont take DRUGS!
Anyway my whole point is, I guess, that like everything in life it shan't be of over-the-top quantity. And that is when the challenge kick in. We, human being, has the tendency to seek the endless pursuit of pleasure fulfillment. We eat, we have sex, we drink, etc. All in the name of pleasure. In the name of the release of that particular enzyme in our brain that trigger the sensation. The sensation of feeling pleasure. Thus keeping up the right balance of the activities of what may trigger it in a proportional dosage might be a giant challenge for those who do not have enough self control. I probably belong to this group. Yea.
I started going out early this year. It was a purely erratic decision one find weekend evening that I decided to grab a drink or two. I went in, I felt the groove, I made friends, before I knew it I was dancing with strangers whom I had no clues about. The music, the lighting, the overwhelming crowd, the unusual attitude of the people it was all so fun and amusing. Then I kept coming back the next weeek, and the week afer that. And before I knew it I have always wanted to just come back. Although, it is the same people who come every weekend. Although, it is the same songs being played. Stilll, I want to go back. I am not quite sure if it started to become a routine as I am not a person who advocate routine.
Anway my March had been pretty much about going out and going out.

Let me Embark on My Journey

It is like the day that rises from behind the mountain unveiling the darkness that spreads coldness and eeriness of the night. Slowly it rose, hesitant and vulnerable. Persistently the mighty night exert is power to defeat the yellow circle that started to emerge its full shape creating forms and shapes of silhouette illuminating the backside of those. The fresh air burst in to lungs of the asleeps. Sheeps and Sheppard already awake. Enthusiastically thinking about the land beyond the mountain and the grass field. Keep walking perhaps towards the east, to the great philosophers that speak foreign languages. Or maybe the west? where life is wild and people are tall. Probably to the south where they serve wine and speak the language of love. Or the north? Where the sky is painted with thread of color making shapes like curtain fall from heaven. I just want to walk and discover the new things my mind told me exist. About heroes defeating monsters and goddess whose beauty make the snake and Satan blind. About angels with wings and unicorns. About Love and Hate. About Jealousy about betrayal. About the faraway lands and fairies. I want to unravel and find it out myself. I am sick and tired of reading fairytale. Yes, Mother I am ready to find them out myself. Let me embark on my journey.

What is The Worst Thing?

Loss of motivation. Loss of drive to do that little extra that make that little difference in the outcome. Many of us have to deal with routine, many a times this routine lead us to monotonous lifestyle that eventually suck out all our passionate energy like the black hole. This thing happens.

I still remember very well how I used to dedicated at least four to five extra hours of studying on top of the ones that I have already spent in school. Yes, reading books and geeking at that! However nerdy and geeking and obsessive it may have seemed to people around me (this included my Mom), I could not imagine one day passed without me sitting down and just start reading some textbooks, playing with equations, or trying to understand the concept of evolution. It was plainly interesting to me, like the world unveil its mystery written down pages after pages in a thick textbook. Ah well, it was a five years ago.

Honestly, I have no ideas but for sure I know that I am not all that eager anymore to volunteer my self in reading page after page if not for preparing for exam. I have grown up to become a peson who is not all that into studying anymore. Well, though I must say that a few things still manage to get my attention in school. Anyways the point that I was thinking of bring across is that we all lose interest at some point.

Way before "my nerdish time" I had been an obsessively aspiring artist. I remembered vividly how one day I turned my bedroom into a painting studio that managed to freak out my mom. There was not one day that I spent without thinking about the possibility of making an image on canvas or combining different colors. I was so obsessed with painting. Until one day, again, I got sick and tired of it.

Now, after a bit of a soul-searching I realized that we got sick and tired of things when these things are not anymore considered relevant by you, by yourself! Meaning, doing this thing is not anymore something that you think you can benefit from in any way. Once your subconsciousness or intelligence came to realize this, you will sooner or later lose interest in it. I guess it is pretty much the same with relationship. and that is the worst thing in life. In my opinion.