Sigh

Tired. Tired of attracting Dollar. Should I give up or should I persist?

You know this blog is meant to document my journey to being a multimillionaire.

First of all why not start being a millionaire?

Okay here is a thing. All that is in this universe constantly change some with fixed rate some with accelerated rate some with random rate. The classic example is the speed which is the rate of change of distance over time. Now, as profoundly put as this site is meant to be my tool kit to remind my self to go back to the very goal I have in mind the very day I set up this blog. Okay back to the question, we all know that it takes time to manifest what I have in my thought. Otherwise I would be somewhere in new york city right now with a penthouse and a private jet. Thus, it will take some time between the time I think of wanting multimillion dollar and the time when it really manifests. buffer time. In the mean time inflation keeps happening and the value of money keeps dropping. Thus if I say exactly one million dollar that I think one million dollar in the present time, by the time it manifest the one million dollar I receive will be no longer the one million dollar that I have in my mind then. Thus by saying multi million dollars the value is kept indefinitely millions....

Anyway the whole post is not going to talk about that. As the title suggests "sigh"-ing is more likely the way this post is written. if u care to know I am still stuck in the place that I currently have my internship and just getting a break from doing my documentation. Ahh and at the moment I am on the phone with a friend ..............................

ahhh anyway thanks for having decided to spare your time reading this...

no title

Have you ever felt low and demoralized without having any particular reason. That exactly how I have been feeling lately. Somehow you are demoralized of the uncertain future that at times shed by cloudy days. I was once thinking that I might be suffering from bipolar. It is due to the fact that I feel like being a ping pong ball bounces between the two extreme poles of feeling. It does not necessarily mean I have been triggered or such. I just feel helpless and totally irrational about it. I am not sure if many people have this although (if this is the case of bipolar) many have documented scientific research done on that. It is not harmful yet it is no fun to have one.

A friend of mine asked me why I spent too much time and energy to make myself feel down. Why not channel the energy somewhere else? I do not know nor do I have any ideas. I just feel that way and when the feeling somehow made to feel certain way I can not force it to instead feel another way. It is like being traped in a room placed in the middle of a gigantic spring with fixed ends. I just goes up and down or swing left and right without having any power to stop it. I would more than happy if I know how to channel my energy and to switch that buttong that control the way I should feel.

O gosh, it is so hard to be positive. It is even harder to know that it is not helping to be un-positive and thus I TRY to be positive. The thing is the more I try to be positive the more I seem to crack and feel down again. It is like a cycle.

I am not trying to be negative or anything I just try to stop to go against what I feel naturally. By naturally I mean I did not create the feeling they just there.